


Where's My Head At?

by NessieFromSpace



Series: Kinktober 2018 [16]
Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: Dubious Consent because it's surprise sex, Dullahan Wilhelm, M/M, Object Insertion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2019-07-29 13:19:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16265018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NessieFromSpace/pseuds/NessieFromSpace
Summary: Timothy finds a head and assumes it's a Halloween prop. It's not.





	Where's My Head At?

**Author's Note:**

> http://nessiefromink.tumblr.com/post/178950781180/wheres-my-head-at

Timothy had stumbled upon the head on his nightly walks home. He’d accidentally kicked it, sending it rolling heavily over the sidewalk. He stared at the extremely lifelike head, worried for a moment that he’d stumbled across a murder. But there was no trail of blood. He crouched down low and looked at it with the flashlight on his phone. Its eyes were wide open, staring upwards angrily, a scar mangling one. They were glaring and threatening. Its hair and beard were gray with large white streaks on the side. Tim looked at the neck where the flesh was ragged and torn and found it dry. He winced, a little disgusted, but finally, he poked a cheek and felt it wax.

He sighed heavily. “You’re only a wax head. Heh… Guess that means you’re a Halloween prop?” He looked around. “I don’t see any houses that have decorations though… Did you come from a long ways away?” He picked the head up and smiled at its grizzled, frozen growl, its teeth bared. “Can’t let a handsome thing like you just sit on the sidewalk all alone.” He stood, tucking it under his arms, its eyes facing the sky. “Don’t worry, I’ll take you home and take care of you.”

But he wasn’t sure where to put it, since he hadn’t started decorating yet either. For the moment, he set the head on the coffee table, sideways. “Just until I can get you a stand,” he said to it. He went about the rest of his day, going to the second bedroom closet where the holiday decor was stashed to pull out all the Halloween boxes. It was mainly fall decorations with a few holiday items, like bats covered in sparkles, cute ghosts, and sleeping black cats with hats.

“I’m not much into the horror and gore,” he said to the head. He knew it wasn’t alive, but it made him feel less lonely talking to it. “Life’s already horrific.” He shrugged and showed the head a cartoon werewolf. “Grrr!” he said. He put the decorations up around the house, frowning after a while. “I don’t have a stand for you. That won’t do will it? I’ll just have to go to the store and find something.”

The next day, Timothy ran into the house, smiling and laughing. “Look! I mean, it’s not the best, but-” He set the bowl down and propped the head in it. “It should do the trick!” He smiled proudly. “Yep! Nice and snug!” He turned the head so it faced the rest of the house. “Now you won’t be so lonely.”

The head kept Tim company through the days. He talked to it idly, decorating the house, watching television, or cleaning the house. He found his days were happier with its company. As silly as it was talking to a wax head as though it were alive, Timothy found it soothing and soon told all his secret fears to it.

Sometimes, as he passed by his new friend he’d pause and stare at it, almost swearing it had moved. The large snarl it had had when Timothy had found it seemed smaller and smaller, its lips almost connecting now, leaving just a small gap where he could see teeth.

He frowned at is as his phone rang. “Hello?” he said, distracted. “Oh! Hello…” Timothy said, suddenly very nervous. “I, I didn’t know you had, you had my number, uhm… Oh? Okay… Y-yeah, sure… I’ll be there… Haha, no, I won’t stay just for five minutes… Heh, okay… Thanks for the invite!” He clicked off his phone and then tumbled onto the couch. “I’m done for!” he groaned. He went to his calendar and groaned. “Halloween _had_ to fall on a weekend.”

Returning to the couch, he slumped down and let his head fall back. “What am I going to do!?” he wailed dramatically. He poked one eye open to the head that no longer growled at him. “Don’t suppose you could give me some advice?” He sighed. “This guy I’ve… sorta had this not really thing with, like lots of vague flirting and I don’t know if I really even like him or if I just haven’t had _any_ in a long time, but he invited me to his Halloween party. And it’s at the point where I know he’s only inviting me to get some…” he whispered his next word. “ _Tush_ , if you know what I mean?” He sighed. “And it’s been… _a really_ , really long time, like years, and I don’t even know how good I am and this guy has been _around_ and I know he’s probably only into me for the sex, another notch on that ol’ bedpost, and normally I’d be above that, but…” He stared at the ceiling for a long time. “I’m so lonely…” He smiled at the head. “Well, I’ve been less lonely since you’ve been around.”

He sighed and began to tidy up the house, something he always did when he was anxious, which meant his house was usually spotless. He did this for days, not really speaking, his mind whirling this way and that, trying to find a solution to his problems. His main one was not being ready, not being relaxed. He didn’t own any toys- the thought turned his face so red his freckles disappeared. But now he was understanding the mistake of never having one, he was way too out of practice and needed to get into practice before the party.

Which lead him to looking around his house one night. He didn’t have the courage to buy a dildo, but he had gone shopping recently and did in fact, have a large zucchini in his fridge. He took it out and set it on the counter. It was very thick. Very, very thick. Thicker than a normal sized cock, even a big one. “Maybe… I should start smaller?” But the only thing he had that was smaller was a hairbrush. “A hairbrush to a zucchini. No problem.”

But there was another problem, he had no lube. He walked through the house, naked, looking for anything he could use for makeshift lube. A jar of coconut oil sat on the counter and he went for it, taking it to the couch thoughtfully. He sat on his knees, leaning on the back of the couch, knees splayed wide on the cushions and uncapped the lid. He got some on his finger and reached a tentative hand behind him.

He found his asshole and pushed his finger in, biting his lip as it slid in nicely. He pumped it in and out a few times before removing it to spread more on the handle of the brush. “Here goes nothing,” he said to himself. It was definitely larger than his finger and it was a little rough at first but he was able to reach back and pump it slowly in and out. He was glad for the coconut oil and found it easier the longer the handle was inside him. He even found himself moaning quietly. He’d worked up a steady rhythm now and let himself voice it. He reached with his other hand, between his legs where he was erect and wanting and began to stroke himself. He shivered and pulled the brush out from inside him. He took a deep breath, catching himself.

Standing, he retrieved the zucchini and brought it back to the couch. He stared at the vegetable. Bracing himself, he smoothed the coconut oil all over it thickly, not wanting to miss a spot. With a deep, nervous breathy, he brought it behind him and began to push it into his ass. “Relax. Relax. That’s the key. Relax.” He pushed his ass out more, giving him a better angle and slowly pushed it in. “Oh, oh, oh, this is big! So, so, ow, so big!” He squeezed his eyes shut at the stinging pain, but continued anyway, breathing deeply and trying to get himself to relax.

He huffed and pulled it out. This wasn’t working. He needed to get into the head space. He’d be drunk and more limber and willing to do anything. He didn’t own any alcohol, but he was sure he had a plan. He set the zucchini on the coffee table and began to gather materials, an oversized sweater, all the pillows in his house, and the wax head. A few minutes later, a stuffed torso lay in the corner of the couch, secured by belts and ropes. He placed the head on top, tying a rope over it to keep it from falling off.

“Heh, that would kinda suck wouldn’t it?”

He grabbed the zucchini and secured it to the torso. He looked shyly at the head. “You don’t mind do you? I just… I’m so nervous…” He knelt in front of it, rolling his shoulders back. He leaned in and gently pressed his lips to the wax head, kissing it. He blinked. “Wow… Your lips are _really_ soft…” He kissed them again. “Like the softest thing I’ve ever felt…” He pulled away, wanting to kiss it again, but he didn’t want to get distracted. He laughed nervously at how ridiculous this was. He got into place again and braced himself against the zucchini and finally, with a deep breath, pushed into the large object. It hurt like before, but he continued, slow and steady, pressing against the torso.

“You… You’d treat me right, huh?” he breathed, glancing back at the wax head, trying to distract himself from the uncomfortable stretching. He was thoughtful for a moment. “I bet you would, a handsome devil like yourself?” He laughed nervously. “Bet you’d be a gentleman, huh?” He moaned suddenly, both in pain and slight pleasure. Now that the larger part as in, it rubbed against his prostate nicely. He moved it slowly just like the hairbrush. “Well, the good news, heh, will be that he won’t be too big for me after this… Though…” He glanced back at the head, its eyes looking down at him. “I bet you’d be pretty big yourself, huh?” Timothy flushed. “If you were real… I bet we’d get along…” He moaned loudly, finally feeling more relaxed. “Looks like all I needed was you,” he smiled.

All at once something wrapped around his waist. Jumping, he looked behind him and found the loose arms of the sweater tied around him. “What?” he gasped. He looked around, but only found the wax head, smirking devilishly at him. His eyes grew wide and he tried to scramble away, but the sweater was tight and he couldn’t move, not with the zucchini inside him. The large, pillow puppet seemed to lurch forward and Tim felt the zucchini plunge inside him.

Yelping, Tim fell face first into the couch, his ass sticking up as the puppet moved, pulling the zucchini out, stretching Timothy with the widest part of the vegetable and then easing back in. He turned his head to try and figure out what was going on. The zucchini was stuck inside the torso, a dark purple glow around it and the face. That wax face smiled at Tim as it thrust into him. It was a sexy smile, Timothy had to admit. He gasped as it thrust forward and he ducked his head into the cushion, unbelieving his thoughts and what was happening.

He was being fucked with a zucchini by a stuffed pillow doll with a moving wax head. Timothy didn’t think he was magical, but it _had_ come to life when he’d wished it. But he couldn’t think anymore about it, not at the moment, not when his head was buzzing with each thrust of that vegetable. He could feel himself building, puffing and panting, fists clenching the cushions. He finally lurched, spilling his orgasm onto his couch. The puppet ceased its motion and the sleeves released Tim, letting him pull away from the zucchini and scramble to a safe distance.

“What… What… What are you!?” He stammered.

The face smirked, its eyes lowering to watch cum drip from Tim’s cock.

He snatched an unused throw pillow and covered his front with it. “How are you alive?” he asked.

The face seemed to laugh, but no sound came out. Timothy stood there, shocked and scared. He wanted to put clothes on, but he didn’t want to leave the wax head alone. He didn’t know what it would do, if it could move.

The head stared, bored at Timothy and then rolled its eyes and seemed to huff in annoyance.

Tim frowned. “What do you expect me to do!? You’ve been a Halloween prop for weeks on my coffee table. Of course I’m going to freak out when you suddenly move!” He didn’t know why he felt annoyed, he should be getting the hell out of the house. Or burning the wax head. He shouldn’t be conversing with it. His eyes fell to the zucchini still propped out of the torso.

The head smirked.

Timothy glared, his cheeks burning with embarrassment. He looked away, not wanting to ask, but needing to. “Have… Have you been… Alive this whole time?”

It grinned widely.

“Dammit,” he groaned. He fell into the couch opposite of the puppet. He fell over his lap, hiding his face in the pillow where he screamed in agony.

“Oh, quit your whining,” a gruff voice said.

Timothy screamed, jumping up from the couch again and moving around to hide behind it. He crouched on the other side, eyes large and awestruck. “You’re… You’re _talking_.”

“Yeah, my body’s close by,” it said roughly. “Figures it’d pull itself together for the promise of _tush_.” It rolled its eyes as it smirked. It looked at Timothy. “Hey, why don’t you open up your back door, hmm?” He looked to the back of Tim’s house. “He’s really close now, but without a head, he’s still just a dummy.”

Standing, with the pillow snugly against his crotch he slowly made his way around the couch.

“That’s it,” it cooed. “Now take me with you.”

That gave Timothy pause and he wondered if he should really be doing this, but he figured one way or another, the body would find the head and it wouldn’t matter. He went over to the puppet and there he finally set the pillow down. He undid the straps and picked up the head.

“Woah,” he exhaled. “You’re a lot heavier…”

“Yeah, the closer my body is, the more lifelike I get, let’s go.”

He paused for a moment to wonder if he should pick the pillow up, but left it, he’d need his free hand to open the door, and then he’d probably need to run and a pillow would slow him down.

Holding the head in the crook of his arm, he went to the door and opened it a crack so that the head could look out. “HEY! STUPID!” it called. “Over here!”

Timothy peaked out as the back porch light came on with movement. Gasping loudly, he hid behind the door. A large figure on a horse was in his backyard. He peeked again and watched it get off the horse and tie the reins to the unused barbecue. It was a huge, towering figure, broad in the shoulders and chest and it was coming up to the door.

“Let it in,” the head said.

Without thought, Timothy moved back, opening the door for the figure. As it stepped inside, fully illuminated now, Timothy stumbled back, a scream stuck in his throat. It was the body of a man, but without a head. He almost dropped the head in his arms as he retreated to the kitchen.

The body closed the door, fumbling with the lock before turning it. It strode towards him, hands out, grasping at him. It was dressed in civil war era clothes, the fabric thick and form fitting. So much so that Timothy could clearly see the tented material at its hips. Eyes wide, Timothy held the head out to it, wincing away as it finally took it.

“Finally,” the head said. The body brought it up and placed it on its shoulders. The head fused int that dark purple light and all at once he was a person, rolling his shoulders back and stretching his neck from side to side. “There we go.”

Timothy had been slowly creeping out the other way of the kitchen, ready to run, but the man, or monster looked at him.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

Timothy froze. “Uhhh…”

It came to him, large, gloved hands reaching out to take his, a warm, playful smile at his lips. “We haven’t been properly introduced. I’m Wilhelm, once a general in the war and now a Dullahan. You know what that is right?”

Tim shook his head faintly, eyes caught at the way Wilhelm’s gloved thumbs smoothed over the backs of his hands.

“I fairy dead souls to the underworld. That’s what I was doing when dumbass dropped me.”

Blinking. “Your… Your _body_ dropped you?” He frowned. “Dullahan… Like the headless horseman?”

“Yep.”

His mind felt blank, but he knew there was something he was supposed to connect. He pictured himself finding it and picking it up. That must have been where the head had fallen off. “But… You didn’t move when I found you.”

Wilhelm smirked. “It’s part of the magic. I become wax-like and lighter the further away my body travels. It keeps others from discovering me, but I am quite alive the whole time.”

“So you… become more animated the closer your body is… Some defense mechanism.” He couldn’t imagine being alive and aware the whole time and not able to do anything about it. He jumped as though he’d been pinched and looked at the older man. “Oh! And I picked you up! I’m sorry! If I’d known…”

The man laughed, deep and warm. “Actually, I need to thank you. You kept me safe while my dumb body searched for me. He probably never would have found me if you hadn’t brought me here.”

“Oh… You’re… Welcome…” The head had sat there on his coffee table the whole time, aware of everything and Timothy hadn’t noticed. _Wilhelm had been aware._ Timothy groaned, his eyes closing and his cheeks heating. “You heard and saw everything…” He tried to pull away to hide his face, but Wilhelm wouldn’t relinquish his hands.

He laughed. “Yeah, I did.” His eyes swept over Tim again and this time he felt the heat in their gaze as it lingered over his body. “I gotta say, it was sexy as hell.”

Timothy was shocked. “It… It was?”

“Yeah, we both think so,” Wilhelm said, glancing down at the large erection. “And we’d both like the opportunity to make love to you.”

His cheeks were heating intensely now at the words. This time, he pulled away and covered his face. He couldn’t believe Wilhelm had watched him earlier, stuck like that while however far away, his body was reacting to the sight. And now they wanted to _make love_ to him. The term had done him in and he felt himself flushing all over, embarrassed and shy. He groaned quietly.

But Wilhelm only laughed. “You’re very cute. Very squirrelly.” He pulled Timothy against him, body was strong and sturdy, arousal pressing firmly. A hand wound around his bare waist, the other pulling Tim’s freckled hand to Wilhelm’s chest. He bent low and kissed Timothy, his lips still so soft. Tim melted into Wilhelm, taken by such a gentle, yet sizzling kiss. Wilhelm smirked, looking at him with a heavy lust in his eyes. “What do you say, Timothy?”

His breath came out raggedly, wholly distracted by the large cock against him. He swallowed and nodded faintly.

“Good,” Wilhelm said. He pulled Timothy away from the kitchen to the bedroom. “I’m not about to let some philanderer have you.”

Timothy frowned. “What?” He had forgotten anyone else besides Wilhelm and wouldn’t remember the party until days later when Wilhelm finally let him go outside, satisfied that he’d fucked Timothy everywhere in the house. When he was sure Timothy knew that the dullahan wasn’t going anywhere, and that Tim was his. It made him flush as Wilhelm said these words, his large, naked body spooned with his.

Timothy, so taken from all the sex could only nod, face red and hot from the intensity of Wilhelm. “Yeah… Okay…” he said with a giggle.

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr: http://nessiefromspace.tumblr.com/  
> My Borderlands/ fanart tumblr: http://nessiewithink.tumblr.com/


End file.
